Over the years, I've told myself that I weather storms better than most because I've already seen my darkest day. I know what my worst day looks like and that isn't today. Don't get me wrong. I have many (many) small moments where I forget that and lose my mind about the little stuff, but big stuff? I know what's hard. I know I can do hard.
And yet I still find myself avoiding certain challenges, certain changes, because in this season of my life, it feels hard. It feels hard to put myself first. It feels hard to eat/drink/look/feel differently than everyone around me. It's hard to plan tomorrow when today is total chaos.
In the last two weeks, I've faced hard again. The kind of hard that helps you zero in on exactly what matters. The kind of hard that shifts your life over and up. In the darkness, I've found a still quiet voice that knows exactly what it is that I want, exactly what I need to know that I'm doing my best and living my fullest life.
Here is what matters to me these days:
- My health
- My family and friends
And so I've spent the last 10 days doing my best to support those two things.
And guess what? That's not hard. Focusing on #2 has always come naturally to me, so that has felt full and rich. What has become crystal clear to me is that my health is the only thing. If I don't have that, it doesn't matter what else I have. It's practically (definitely?) cliche these days, and yet it took tragedy and sadness to make that feel real.
I'm ready. I'm honoring my loved ones and treasuring myself by taking some big steps next week. I'm up for the challenge.